I happened to find this during one of my Google searches, and it amused me greatly. I can't wait for these guys to be out of office.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Huh huh huh.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Story time with Tom Waits.
This little Youtube gem makes quite a nice companion to the pictures linked in the previous post. It was sent to me by my good friend Pam.
I'm still bummed and dealing with the fact that his "Glitter and Doom" tour isn't coming anywhere even close to Detroit.
Freaky.
It's safe for work, but disturbing. I'll probably see this thing in my nightmares tonight.
And here's another. Creepy dolls seem to be a recurring motif in my internet readings today.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
"Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey - YOU!"
CAL and I have seen all of Eddie Izzard's comedy shows on DVD, but this was our first time seeing him perform live. I don't recall him ever coming to Detroit before, so I figured this was a rare chance for us to see him. The Detroit Opera House was packed, most likely sold out.
He hit the stage around 8:15 and did his thing until 10:00 - running a little over the 90 minute show the usher told us to expect. He wasn't dressed in drag unfortunately, just jeans and a black tuxedo coat with tails. He's always been a high energy performer, but it seemed to me that he was particularly manic last night, dancing and sometimes talking so fast that his words became a little mushy and difficult to understand. The stage was decorated like a stone prison cell. There was a window with bars high up, showing a sun, a floating eyeball, and then the moon. It was a very nice touch, that window. You can see pictures here.
The jokes were all new, but the subject matter was prime Eddie Izzard material: God, religion, ancient history, languages, evolution and creationism. He has a real knack for taking esoteric material and making it side-splittingly funny; one of the best bits of the show was about ancient Latin, and how ridiculous it could have been for the Romans to carry on a conversation in that language. I'm not even going to try to reproduce it here, because I would murder the joke. Suffice it to say, I never realized that Latin could be that hysterical.
He went all the way back to the dawn of civilization when the world was nothing more than "volcanos and dragonflies," with God sitting up in the clouds pushing buttons. This was followed by dinosaurs, the Stone Age, Wikipedia and how to make jam, giraffes dealing with tigers by coughing, vicious Spartan sheep, and more. The title of this post refers to his take on Charles Darwin and The Origin of the Species.
The first time I saw his "Dress to Kill" performance I laughed so hard that it hurt - literally. If you haven't seen it before then I give it my most whole-hearted recommendation.
The first time I saw his "Dress to Kill" performance I laughed so hard that it hurt - literally. If you haven't seen it before then I give it my most whole-hearted recommendation.
For more on the "Stripped" tour, including other blog reviews and Youtube videos, click here.
...
Here's a Flickr photo pool of shots taken earlier this month in Washington D.C. Outstanding quality.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
"St. Darwin's Spirituals" - check it out!
Ghost inspectors and golems patrol the streets of Whitechapel. Prostitutes turn tricks for the fever-dream flesh lusts of the spiritual. And the statue of Saint Darwin, the scientist who broke the barrier between the natural and the supernatural, oversees it all. Now a disciple of Darwin - a woman of skin and bone - follows a trail of blood and corpses over cobblestone streets, hoping to unravel the devastating mystery of her own life.
***
Written by D.K. Thompson
Narration by Rick Stringer, Ali Groves, Dani Cutler, Maia Whitaker, and Anne Stringer
Music by Abney Park
Artwork by Vincent Chong commissioned by Murky Depths
Print version on Murky Depths
This is a very impressive full cast production of a story by my good friend Dave, aka Krylyr, aka the Scoundrel. The presentation here is truly top notch. The time spent to download and listen are well worth it. It's a dark, gritty story filled with tentacle porn, ghost-gasms, and more. If the phrase "ghost-gasm" doesn't grab your attention, then I don't know what will.
And as if that wasn't cool enough, the story also appears in print at Murky Depths.
Eddie Izzard tonight!
Tonight CAL and I are going to see Eddie Izzard at the Detroit Opera House (a notion that still sounds odd to me: an opera house...in Detroit? Who knew!) I saw Tori Amos here a couple of years ago, and it's a very classy place. Good acoustics.
I'll have my review of the show here tomorrow.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Motor City Comic Con.
On Saturday I went to the Motor City Comic Con, and had an absolute blast. Here are some pictures from the event.
Far and away the biggest celebrity attraction was Billy Dee Williams. The line to get his autograph stretched out into the lobby. I was having too much fun to spend the day waiting in line, so I just got this picture instead.
This is me with Walter Koenig, aka Chekov of Star Trek fame. I think having your picture taken with a Star Trek cast member probably makes you a confirmed, 100% geek for life. As if I wasn't already there.
Here's me again with Berni Wrightson, a supremely nice guy. I also sat in on his panel discussion, which was really more of an informal chat. I've loved his work for years, but now I love the man behind the work. Truly a pleasure.
Me with Tom Savini, and Tom Savini again being choked by Darth Vader.
The famous 501st Legion was there in force. I asked the guy at the booth if the stormtrooper armor had any practical use as defensive gear, and he said no. "You can't sit down, you can't move your arms up all the way, and it gets hot as hell inside." "So if the Empire really existed and had an army of these guys, they wouldn't be all that difficult to defeat," I wondered aloud. "No, probably not."
Conventions are strange events, no matter what. Sometimes though the bizarre nature of the event reaches new heights. Looking at this picture of Princess Leia in front of the General Lee, the phrase "cognitive dissonance" comes to mind. Imagine Boss Hogg as Jabba the Hutt, and Princess Leia as Daisy Duke. Now reach for the mind bleach.
There was one artist at the con selling sketches of superheroes in sexy, sometimes even X-rated situations: Supergirl and Batgirl as lezbo girlfriends, Wonder Woman getting spanked by Catwoman - that kind of thing. As I was at the booth Superman briefly stood next to me and flipped through one of the X-rated books, grinning madly. I wish I could have snapped a picture of that, but the Man of Steel closed the book and walked away before I could grab my camera.
Oh no! There goes Tokyo! Go, go Godzilla!
"Fun for all" - very, very true. When I returned home and CAL asked me how the con was I said, "It...was...AWESOME!" I sounded and felt like a seven year-old kid in that moment.
I bought some cheap back issues of the old Micronauts comic, which I plan to read in my hammock as soon as it gets warm enough for me to bring it out (this May in Michigan has been unusually cold and wet so far). I also bought a goodly amount of art for my "man cave," which I will write more about later.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle.
The Story
A donkey named Puzzle and an ape named Shift fool the people of Narnia into believing in a false Aslan who practically gives the kingdom away to their old rivals, the Calormenes. King Tirian summons Jill and Eustace to help them. They expose the false Aslan, but unhappy at being duped, the dwarves secede. A war breaks out between the Narnians and Calormenes, prompting the return of the real Aslan. He uncreates the land and leads them all to a better, more perfect Narnia.
My Thoughts
It seems to me the primary inspiration for this book are the end times sayings of Jesus, particularly Mark 13:22 where he warns about "false prophets." The ape and the donkey are able to dupe so many people (who are nevertheless extremely vexed) because they believe, "Aslan is not a tame lion," and he may be punishing them in some way.
The scene where Aslan uncreates Narnia is fabulous; a huge door appears that the inhabitants all walk through, disappearing in Aslan's shadow. Neil Gaiman did a variation on this in A Game of You.
All of the major characters from the previous books make an appearance at the end except for Susan, who as an adult is concerned with her looks and status, and denies that the Narnia adventures ever really happened. This is a fitting and satisfactory ending to the series.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair.
The Story
Eustace and Jill Pole are called into Narnia by Aslan, who sends them on a quest to find the missing Prince Rilian. They team up with Puddleglum, a gloomy Marsh-wiggle (part man, part frog). Their quest takes them to the Underworld, where they find the prince tied up to a silver chair, the captive of an evil witch.
My Thoughts
It may be due to Narnia fatigue, but this one didn't grab me quite like the others did. I just didn't feel any sense of urgency to find the missing prince. In Prince Caspian, the four children return to Narnia and find it in ruins. Only a year has passed for them, so they have no idea what has happened, or how. THAT'S compelling. I know matters of succession are extremely important to the British, but I guess I wanted more (maybe an evil usurper who will take over if the Prince doesn't show up). Owls figure prominently here (see the chapter, "A Parliament of Owls"), again making me think of J. K. Rowling.
Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader
The Story
Lucy, Edmund and their unpleasant cousin Eustace Scrubb travel through a painting to Narnia. They find themselves on the Dawn Treader, a ship being captained by Prince (now King) Caspian. He is searching for 7 lords of Narnia driven away by his evil uncle Miraz, and also the fabled lands to the east where Aslan originates from.
My Thoughts
This book is more episodic than driven by an overarching plot; as they travel from island to island they get captured by pirates and sold into slavery, Eustace gets changed into a dragon and becomes a little nicer, they discover a magic pool that changes everything it touches into gold, etc. They discover the last three lords, who are trapped in an enchanted sleep. In order to awaken them, they sail the Dawn Treader to the edge of the world (World's End), where the brave mouse Reepicheep stays behind to fulfill the terms of the enchantment. Eustace and Lucy return to London here as well.
This is slated to be the next feature film in the series, with a release date of May 2010.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian.
The Story
The Pevensie children are called back into Narnia, where hundreds of years have passed since their departure. The kingdom has fallen to invaders called the Telmarines. A cantankerous dwarf named Trumpkin leads them into the camp of Prince Caspian, the rightful heir to the throne of Narnia. Peter charges Miraz, the Telmarine leader and Caspian's uncle, to one on one combat in order to decided who will rule Narnia.
My Thoughts
This one is a significant improvement over book three, The Horse and His Boy. Prince Caspian is the second best book in the series, in my opinion. The first half of the story I found to be particularly compelling; the kids all return to find Narnia radically changed, even though they've been away for only a year. They slip into Narnia through a train station, which made me wonder if this was perhaps a source of inspiration for J. K. Rowling and Harry Potter. The plot moves along at a brisk pace, leading up to the one on one battle between Peter and Miraz. Even though the Telmarines are the bad guys, their leader still shows nobility by agreeing to Peter's challenge when he has the upper hand. Bacchus makes a memorable appearance here as well, his presence having previously been hinted at in TLTWATW. I loved that. I wonder if we'll see him in the movie?
A mometary lapse in my appreciation of Narnia.
Yesterday was a banner day for me on the rejection letter front: I received three in one day, two via snail mail, and one via email. It's worth noting however that all of the rejections were personalized for me, not just the standard issue form letters. The email rejection came with a particularly interesting message. It said,
Dear Jeffrey Valka,
Thank you for the query letter you submitted to the (blankety blank) Literary Agency. We were impressed with your creative endeavor although we cannot offer you representation at this point in time. Please continue to send us updates on your writing whether it is fiction, short stories, non-fiction or young adult. We are always interested in your work.
Thank you for your submission,
This was for my science fiction novel "The Flowers of Persephone," not "A Proper Fool." I submitted APF to this agency back in February, but got a form rejection. I'm going to send it to them again though, addressing it specifically to the woman who sent me this email.
Today I'm noticing a change in myself regarding the rejections: they are starting to bother me less. I think I hit an all-time high point (or perhaps it was a low point) in terms of rejection-related anguish and despair back in February. I licked my wounds, got over it (partially, at least), and resumed the submission process.
I'm starting to think of myself as being like Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) in The Shawshank Redemption. How long does he spend tunneling his way to freedom? Twenty years? Thirty years? Some ungodly amount of time. He does it with only a spoon, a poster to cover up the hole he's making, and a seemingly infinite amount of patience and determination. Why does he do it? Because he knows that he's innocent, and he refuses to let his spirit be broken by prison.
Every query, every rejection - they're just little spoonfuls of dirt for me to let go of and keep digging.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Chronicles of Narnia: The Horse and His Boy.
The Story
Shasta narrowly escapes being sold into slavery, journeys with a talking horse named Bree from Calormen to Narnia. They team up with Aravis and her horse, Hwin. The discover a plot by the evil Rabadash of Calormen to invade Narnia. Shasta learns that he is the long lost twin brother of Prince Corin.
My Thoughts
The first part of this book seems unusually dense, especially when compared to the lucid and swiftly moving TLTWATW. It gets better near the end, though, and all of the dangling plot points are resolved. Calormen is a thinly disguised Middle East, with C. S. Lewis also adding Archenland to the geography beyond Narnia. The story takes place many years after the battle of the White Witch; Aslan, Mr. Tumnus, Peter, Lucy, Susan and Edmund all make cameo appearances.
Many people consider this to be the weakest book in the series, and I'm inclined to agree. I had issues with The Silver Chair as well, though.
Turkish Delight.
One of the memorable scenes from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe comes when Jadis, the evil white queen, tempts Edmund into betraying the others with a delicious treat known as turkish delight. But what is "turkish delight" exactly? Where can I get me some?
No, not that turkish delight! Get your mind out of the gutter! After all, this is a children's book. Sheesh. 
Yes, that's more like it. This is what the author had in mind.
An old Turkish aphorism tells one to “eat sweetly and speak sweetly”. Sweets have always been an important component of Turkish cuisine. The origin of Lokum -Turkish Delight- dates back to the time of the Ottoman Empire.
Before the 18th century, honey and grape molasses were the only sweetening agents available to Turkish confectioners. With the introduction of sugar in the late 18th century, Turkey awakened to a new era of sweet making. Sugar brought with it the beginning of endless creative possibilities to Turkish confectioners. It was during this time that Turkish delight, one of the oldest known confections in the world, was created in the great kitchens of the Ottoman court.
A whimsical tale tells of the creation of turkish delight: In an attempt to appease his many wives, a famous Sultan ordered his confectioner to create a unique sweet. Eager to please his Sultan, the confectioner blended a concoction of sugar syrup, various flavourings, nuts and dried fruits then bound them together with mastic (gum Arabic). After several attempts, a most delectable sweet emerged from the royal kitchens. The Sultan was so delighted with these delicious little gems that he proclaimed the sweet maker the court’s chief confectioner! And this is the story of how Turkish delight was created. Hereafter, a plate of Turkish delight was served at daily feasts in the Ottoman court.
Turkish delight was unveiled to the west in the 19th century. During his travels to Istanbul, an unknown British traveler became very fond of the Turkish delicacies, purchased cases of "rahat lokoum" and he shipped them to Britain under the name Turkish delight.
It is believed that Picasso enjoyed Turkish delight daily to improve his concentration while Napoleon and Winston Churchill relished pistachio filled Turkish delights.
Today, Turkish delight remains the sweet of choice in many Turkish homes. Enjoyed worldwide, the subtle flavours of Turkish delight are known to compliment coffee and sweeten the breath at the end of a meal. Traditionally offered as a treat at Christmas in the west, Turkish delight is becoming increasingly popular as a sweet to be enjoyed year-round. Bayco’s authentic turkish delight is attractively packaged in a variety of gift boxes.
You can also try making it yourself. I can't vouch for the goodness of this recipe though, as I've never tried it myself. I tried to make homemade absinthe once, and it was undrinkable shit. I ruined a perfectly good bottle of vodka, and learned exactly how bitter wormwood really is.
Title: TURKISH DELIGHT
Categories: Candies, Turkish
Yield: 1 servings
2 c Sugar
2 tb Cornstarch
1 c Water
1/2 ts Cream of tartar
1 tb Flavoring *
Food coloring **
1/2 c Toasted nuts, chopped ***
Confectioners' sugar
* Flavorings: rose, mastic, strawberry, orange or
lemon. ** Food coloring: red, yellow, green or orange
(depending on flavoring used) *** Nuts: almonds or
pistachios
Dissolve sugar and cornstarch in water. Add cream of
tartar. Boil to 220 degrees F. Cover pot the last 5
minutes. Add flavor and food color. Add nuts.
Pour into oiled shallow pan. When cool, cut into
squares and roll each piece in sifted powdered sugar.
Store in plastic bag.
From: The Complete Greek Cookbook, by Theresa Karas
Yianilos, Avenel Books, New York.
Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
The Story
Lucy, Edmund, Peter and Susan discover a passage to Narnia through an old wardrobe. They become embroiled in a battle between Aslan and the White Witch, with the four of them poised to fulfill a prophecy that will mean the end of the Witch's reign. Edmund betrays them all however, leading Aslan to sacrifice himself only to rise again, triumphant.
My Thoughts
An awful lot happens in this very short book. It's very lean, very focused, all muscle and no fat. The sparseness of the storytelling adds to the power of the story, which draws on the crucifixion of Jesus (Aslan as Jesus, Edmund as Judas, Susan and Lucy as Mary Magdalene). He freely mixes Christian, Greek and Norse mythology, and makes it look natural and effortless. Without a doubt it is the best book in the Narnia series, a true and enduring classic.
According to the Narnia website (a link I can no longer find, alas) C. S. Lewis first imagined Mr. Tumnus with his packages at the age of 16, but didn't write the story until he was a professor at Oxford many years later.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Chronicles of Narnia: The Magician's Nephew.
The Story
Digory tries to rescue his friend Polly after she is sent into another dimension by a magic ring made by his evil Uncle Andrew. In trying to get home they pick up an evil witch named Jadis, and see Aslan create the world of Narnia. At Aslan's request Digory and Polly retrieve an apple that grows into the tree that will protect Narnia from evil.
My Thoughts
The plot is rather disjointed, more a collection of incidents than a true story. The scene where Aslan sings Narnia into existence is quite wonderful, though, the real highlight of this book. The story also explains the origin of the lamp post from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (an iron bar hurled by the witch at Aslan) and also the wardrobe (made from the wood of magical tree grown in London). Like Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, The Magician's Nephew is concerned primarily with laying the groundwork for what's to come in subsequent volumes rather than standing on its own merits.
The order of the Narnia books.
The order in which C.S. Lewis wrote the books:
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (1950)
Prince Caspian (1951)
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (1952)
The Silver Chair (1953)
The Horse and His Boy (1954)
The Magician's Nephew (1955)
The Last Battle (1956)
The chronological order of the books according to the Narnia timeline:
The Magician's Nephew
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
The Horse and His Boy
Prince Caspian
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
The Silver Chair
The Last Battle
In writing about the books this week I'm going to follow the chronological order.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
"Narnia Appreciation" kick-off.
With the coming release of the new Prince Caspian movie, I've decided to devote a week to the book series by C.S. Lewis. My first introduction to Narnia wasn't through the books though, but rather through an animated version of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe that debuted in 1979. The quality of the animation is a bit cheesy, but as I remember it's quite faithful to the source material. My mom (happy Mother's Day!) recorded it for me off of television, and I watched it several times over as a kid.
Here's a very nicely done fan-made trailer for the toon:
You can watch the entire animated movie in 9 parts starting here. I've been tempted to go back and watch it again, but I'm afraid that seeing it as an adult will make me think of it as crap. If you have no such reservations about defiling your childhood memories, or if you've never seen this before, then by all means, jump right in and check it out.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Hear the best of Iron Maiden for free!
Iron Maiden is offering their new collection Somewhere Back in Time, The Best of: 1980 - 1989 for free download.
As a long time Maiden fan, I can say that these nine years are the absolute prime of the band, their very best stuff. Do check it out.
Tool's "Vicarious" video.
Check out Tool's new video for the song "Vicarious." Much like Bjork, Tool always creates elaborate videos that are works of art in and of themselves. What's cool about the "Vicarious" DVD is that it also includes a 40 minute documentary explaining how they created this video, which is entirely CGI animation. They worked hand in hand with Alex Grey, the psychedelic artist who has designed the packaging for their recent albums. 
As if that wasn't enough, the DVD packaging itself doubles as a stereoscopic viewer, the same thing they did with the 10,000 Days album.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Motor City Comic Con.
May 16-18, 2008
FRI. 12:30pm - 7pm / SAT. 10:30am - 6pm / SUN. 10:30am - 5pm
It's been a while since I've been to one of these, and browsing the website gets my inner geek all hot and bothered.
I'm rather bummed though that they were supposed to have Gil Gerard and Erin Gray of the Buck Rogers TV show, but they cancelled. Comic artist Dave Sim is also on the cancel list.
Nevertheless, there are still a few people I'd like to see:
Chris Claremont
Matt Feazell
Vince Locke
Berni Wrightson
And the big media guests:
Avery Brooks
M.C. Gainey
The Ghoul
Margot Kidder
Walter Koenig
Tom Savini
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Retro modern pinup photography.
Another wonderful Flickr find: http://www.flickr.com/photos/11396801@N03/
Monday, May 05, 2008
More new stuff from Nine Inch Nails! And it's 100% free!
Trent is giving us all The Slip. 
Sorry, couldn't resist the pun. Or maybe that's why he chose the title.
Iron Man: movie review.
Yesterday I went to see Iron Man with CAL and J, and I think all of us thoroughly enjoyed it. I was never much of an Iron Man fan before this movie was announced, but the marketing folks have done an excellent job of whipping all of the geekboys like me up into a lather.
This stands along with the first two Spider-Man movies as one the very best adaptations of a Marvel comic. Robert Downey Jr. is perfectly cast as Tony Stark, a role it now seems that he was born to play. He makes Iron Man into a fully-realized, living, breathing and believable superhero, just as well as Christopher Reeve did with Superman.
Just a short while ago I read volumes one and two of the Marvel Masterworks Iron Man collection to get up to speed on his origin. The movie keeps all of the basics intact while updating it for modern times; in the comic book Tony Stark is taken prisoner in Viet Nam and forced by the insurgents to build them a weapon, but instead he builds a crude but effective first version of the Iron Man armor that he uses to escape. The movie effortlessly transplants this scenario to Afghanistan.
After Robert Downey Jr's performance, the thing I found most compelling about the movie was the way it dovetails so nicely with real world global politics: Tony Stark is a millionaire dealer of high tech weapons who doesn't care one whit about the consequences of his business dealings, not until he is forced to confront them by his captors. All of the Afghan rebels use weapons manufactured by Stark Industries, which comes as a shocking revelation to Tony. He thinks he's been dealing exclusively with the US military, but the truth is that his weapons go to whoever is willing to pay the most for them. In becoming a superhero he's trying to undo som